i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
