I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
