I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize