My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
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