shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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