I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
