Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
