I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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