now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize