in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
