Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
