i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
