I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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