Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
