I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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