oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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