He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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