I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
