when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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