3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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