Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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