He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
