I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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