70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Damn victory sex feels great
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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