i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
