is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
