Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Randomize
