Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
