oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
