isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Enjoy the penises
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize