i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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