I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
