If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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