dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
