i think i have two assholes
it's like iHOP with fire
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
