he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
