Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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