Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
