I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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