My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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