it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
