i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize