My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I am naked and annoyed.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
