First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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