i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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