i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
