i would punch a child for taco bell
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
