I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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