I am midnight drunk by noon
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
My dick has a subreddit
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize