The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
