also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
