I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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