Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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