they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
don't judge my taste in strippers
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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