you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize