Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
