Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
