isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
