Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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