I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Randomize
