You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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