you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
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