recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
