he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
