so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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