Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
