i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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