did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
