Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
