and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
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