you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
