The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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