The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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