After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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