It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
