I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
